Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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