There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize