dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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