It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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