Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
