Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
