Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
