Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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