if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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