i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just cut my nipple shaving
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
