the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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