so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
