using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
