i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
