I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
