I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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