Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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