Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
