Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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