so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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