Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
