we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
