You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
