Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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