I threw up into my coffee this morning.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
