when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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