wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
