Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
