So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize