Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
