dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
