i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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