If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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