Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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