It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
