I'm lost and stupid without you.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
