I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
