I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
