It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Randomize
