drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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