i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
