Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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