We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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