quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
