Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
