If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
