he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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