Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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