you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
