I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
