I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
