dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
