So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
