Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
