hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
