You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
