just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
