Pants 0. Shit 1.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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