I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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