I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
