worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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