This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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