and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
