Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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