and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
