Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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