Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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