you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
