Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
