you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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