I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
