it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize