who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
