you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
