Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
