And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
