Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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