Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
