Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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