When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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