But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
