halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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