I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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