Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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