Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize