things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
