it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Randomize
