I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
