Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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