Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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