i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
