ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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