Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
