White coat. Heels.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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