ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you win again, gameday.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize